FICTIOn

On Writing: Anecdotes from a Nobody

Book Reading

“Hi, how are you? Please, come in!”

The old lady ushered me into the grand room with its high ceilings and left me alone. She wandered off towards a corner where a couple of other oldish ladies, all dressed in their Fabindia finest, stood around, sipping drinks and whispering furiously.

My eyes caught hold of the bar and my legs led me to it.

“A mimosa for her, Rajesh,” a smiling voice interrupted my unasked request. I looked to the left – the direction where the smiling voice came from – and the lady with the big bindi peered smilingly at me. From the corner of my eye, I noticed that the previously grumpy Rajesh had gone on to comply with the smiling bindi lady’s request.

I attempted to smile in return, but here too, the bindi lady interrupted me.

“You must be ___________! So nice to finally meet you in person.”

I nodded, hoping the ___________ would occur to me soon, considering I’d blanked out halfway through a smile and was furiously worrying about whether I should continue the smile or abandon it altogether.

“Here’s the mimosa, madam,” Rajesh returned, smilingly, placing the sunny yellow flute in my hand. I finished the smile for him, which I gathered was horrendous to behold from the fear in Rajesh’s face.

“Thank you,” I managed, and he disappeared as quickly as he could. The bindi lady thwacked me on the back, hurting me, and smiled as she continued, “Oh, no need for thanks and all. I’m so honoured to finally be meeting you. Aaliyah told me you were a little shy… But with that face and all that wit, my my! No wonder you’re the darling of our little society…”

I assume the bindi lady actually did trail off, unless I let her trail off in my mind and got distracted, as usual. I didn’t actually think people spoke that way, and so, this was a dream come true. I’d always wanted to hear the word darling being spoken aloud, and I must say, I wasn’t disappointed. The only difference was, I’d always assumed there’d be more rrrs in its real-world usage.

I chuckled to myself as my amused brain made the ^_^ face to itself. That quickly changed to a suck-a-lemon emoji as I unconsciously took my first sip of the mimosa.

“Nice, no?” the bindi lady smiled wide, baring her fangs at me, forcing me to concede to her rhetorical opinion. The other ladies, who’d apparently turned up while I was inwardly chuckling, all smiled and agreed too, nodding big nods that seemed to go on for eternity.

“So, honey. Are you married?”

I forced a conceited laugh. “Of course I am! God, my husband. I hate him.”

“But you love him…?” the bindi lady egged me on to complete the story she’d taken over.

“Sure,” I laughed, simpering as I took another sip of that godawful drink. At least it gave me an excuse not to talk.

But the ladies wouldn’t have it.

“I’m sure you two must have quite the sex life, huh?” one of the older ladies winked at me, making me wonder what was more gross – her winking face or the drink in my hand.

“We do okay,” I shrugged, lapping up the drink once more.

“Oh, I’m sure you do more than okay! Where else could you get the inspiration for all that writing?” the old lady winked again, making me want to throw up.

“Oh, please. Like you can only have sex with your husband,” the bindi lady fatly retorted, rolling her eyes into her drink.

“Not everyone is like you, S,” another saccharine sweet voice tweeted from the side, causing everyone to gasp with laughter.

“She’s so witty,” the old winking lady informed me of the saccharine sweet voice. “She’s going to be the next big erotica author, after you!”

I almost choked on my drink, hoping I would die right there. A loud voice boomed through the microphone and I was saved.

“Ladies and gentlemen. Please be seated. The author will be speaking soon. If you could all switch off your mobile phones as we begin. And now, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage, Ms…”

I could hear the name of the author faintly as I strode out of the grand room swiftly. I found a lady at the reception and found out that the AA meetings were in the very next room.

Well, at least not everything was a lie. I did have a husband, and boy, did I hate him.